Wow! A whole year later!

I cannot actual believe its been a year! Wow again! Just a little bit to catch up, ex and I are no longer friends. Those years invested was a bust. Like a dream now that never actually happened. Isn't that strange how 2 people can be that way that shared a life together for so many years? I remind myself when I think that way that I'm not the only one, unfortunately. It is all to common in our era. The vows get swept aside. Human decency gets swept aside. I have reconnected with step children. At least they turned out to have more sense and heart than the man I shared a bed with. He is actually getting married this month. To the 4th woman he's dated in the last year and 1/2. And from what I understand proclaimed his undying love for all. This last one I guess is "it". Jealous? In love still? Nada on both. Bitter and angry still for what he did to me? Working on letting go more everyday. I look at it like this. Maybe she is a great person. She will see eventually the real hypocritical snake hidden inside. Time tells all eventually.
On to brighter news! My 3rd grandchild arrives in August. A boy . Son that will make 4. Pray that all goes well for my daughter and baby. :)
I am single and unattached. Happy. Happy, happy! Not looking, of course I'd me wonderful showed up. I won't
kick him out the door!
Maybe I will write again before
a year is up. Until them, take care and God Bless.

those we leave behind....

Tonight I am reflecting, a little sadly, well, I'll be honest, alot sadly. There's been so much that's gone on in the last couple of months. Some things that really threw me for a loop, just came out of the blue, for no reason towards me, that if I let it, would have totally destroyed me. And due to all of this, I now know that the past almost 14 years of my life was just the biggest farce it could ever have been. I now know I was totally used and just was there to help take responsibility on the financial side of it and just a body being there. I am not talking about my children or my side of the family. I am talking about the family I accepted with open arms, and a committment that I took to heart and seriously. I am talking about the people I protected and would have given my life for that now I know I was just a body. Even after my marriage was over, and even after that with still family ties, and all, when those ties were severed with the man I called my husband, whom I always held the upmost respect for even after being divorced, because of conceit on his part, big head, or whatever to think that I am still pineing after him, that's the only explanation I have for the results of what has transpired now. I had finally after years reached the point of no love for this man, just glad we could carry on a conversation, be friends, as friends could be after being divorced and finally even more after that. I moved on with another, he moved on with several anothers. I never saw it coming. The lies, the backstabbing, the gossip, the cold look in someone's eyes of fear that showed me that he had to stick by her side no matter what controlling personality she has. At some times, I never thought I would be able to move past this man. I never thought I'd get him out of my system. (don't know why, cause I never got out of him what I needed even being married to him) but I did. And oh what a relief it was. I could actually talk to him and he would actually come out and help me with little things when I was over to feed the horses. 
And then one night, all the truth really came out how cruel people can be. People you thought you knew and cared about you, and strangers you never met or had ever had any contact with, cruelty is a evil, evil thing. I won't go into detail, but let's just say, it wasn't pretty, or me that started anything, but I found out in one night how these people that I thought cared about me, have cared really nothing at all about me.

 I've had to move my horse an hour away so now I feel like I've lost him too, after 14 years of seeing him everyday and getting that comfort, it's now gone too. But I had too to get myself out of a situation that might could have escaulated into another bad situation. I have a thumbs up to that was a wise decision on my part and a big move.

 I've been aliented from the children I raised and was there for, to not even being invited to one's wedding, that I had offered my services to in case they needed any extra help, and not invited to the high school graduation of 2 that I raised from age 5. Not one phone call from the children. I guess they are just believing the lies, or who am I kidding...they never really cared or they'd be showing love instead of hate. And now in a few days I get to go to court to have to look at his face and listen to his lies against me when all I want to do is cry out the words, "why, why, why? What did I ever do to you to not care so much to where you are lying your head off to satisfy a jealous, insecure apparantly gf?"  


So...another lesson in life is learned. I try my best to guard myself from caring that much about someone, and it's a very hard thing to not care. I reflect back and all it's been it seems is me putting 100% in whatever I do and always getting screwed over. No matter how hard I try to be not pushy, act like I don't care, etc,... and I still get the same results. 


This too shall pass....just will take time and sorting out that people are people. It never changes. Guard your heart. Don't get to involved and think you mean something cause most cases, the truth comes out...and you won't like the results.

Maybe my next post will be a more positive and uplifting one. Sorry.

Been gone,.... but not far!

What? 2 months I've not written? I guess so! I'm on the computer alot but I guess just don't take the time to write what's up! So, what's up is: I still have my fella in my life...which is a longgggg distance romance over the phone. He's been in Texas now for 7 weeks working and found out there's another month's worth of work to do. ARGHHHH! I do miss him, but hopefully when he comes back we can spend LOTS of quality time together and take a trip too.

My grandkids are great and the 2 girls will drive me crazy, they are so full of energy, which as it should be, and wild acting too. My grandson is 6 months old now and pulling up on everything so he'll probably be walking in the next month. Very big boy and advanced for his age. He's gonna join those girls in the wild acting too I'm sure! Love them all to death!

Had some big changes . Moved my horse yesterday after him being at the same place for the last 13 years  .    . I already miss him. He's an old man now, around 24ish, and even though we haven't ridden in years, he was still my rock to go to and get big horsey hugs and kisses. I even thought this morning, as I was planning my morning, "after I feed"... then realized no more going over to feed.


My horse is in a much better place, bigger fields, grass, trees with shade, and other horses and a donkey for companionship. He'll love it! 

So, that's what's been going on! Life is good!

I have been A-WALL!!

Been gone it seems forever! Just been busy so thought I'd give a holla and update se family pics from the last few months. Clint Eastwood was in my town today doing a scene! I love that man! U don't care how old he is!

Almost Christmas....

See that bowl in my hand. It's the first Brunswick stew I've ever actually liked. This was taken at some good friends of mine on the River. Some of the best people you would ever want to be around. I always have a great time when I go hand out with them at Indian Pass!

 It's almost Christmas. And of course everything that is going to go wrong is going to go wrong! Like car troubles, and probably overdue maintenance. Things seem to rear their ugly heads at this time. And just why is this?!! Anyway...besides that life is great! 

As for right now there's a new "fella" in my life I am seeing. Don't expect it to go far, why should I open myself up to that again? So for now I am enjoying spending time, having fun, and knowing there's someone out there that obviously enjoys my time too. And that's really all I need. No more heartache, no more anger, just disgust. ha . yes, isn't it great when you can finally get to that point where you feel nothing but disgust for someone that has used you and treated you like your're nothing? yep. disgust. Right now that's what I feel, and hopefully I can get over even that where I feel nothing, not even that. Such a waste of my time and thoughts. And he certainly doesn't deserve even that. And yes, I am referring to my ex. lol.