August is almost over!

Yes, it is!! And I sure do hope that September brings about a much better month. These last 2 to 3 months have been not the best for me. I had thought when I reached my age I am now, I would have been able to enjoy my life more, my kids and my grandchildren without having to worry HOW I was going to enjoy them! I guess living single has a little to do with that. (financially) 2 incomes are certainly better than one!!

I'm sorry I can't provide gas money for you so you can drive to eat a free meal 45 minutes away since you went to the beach and partied and drank and had a good time the weekend before. I'm sorry I remember about 2 months ago when I was in between paychecks and had 0 balance in my checkbook with another 5 or so days to go until payday when you just got paid and wouldn't even give me a 10 dollar bill! And all the excuse was, "an't got it". I'm sorry you don't understand that nobody helps me pay my rent, power bill, phone bill, fill up gas in my propane tank, food, gas for my car, insurance for my car, satallite to watch tv on, and all the other things that come about daily that are to many to name, while you only pay a portion of the utilities with the people you live with.

And so then why do I feel guilty or bad because I said no to lend you 10.00 to drive 45 min. to eat a free supper just from Chic Fi la? I guess because I am a parent and think it is still my job and duty to provide always even if it puts me in a bind. And that is what I have been trying to get out of right now for the last few months to regroup and get out of this bind because I had been already doing more than what my budget allows. I don't have help from Mom or Dad or Grandad. I don't live off what my Daddy did, what he worked for all his life. I don't reap benefits from ex spouses that pay my way in life. Nobody made it easy for me while raising my children. Believe me, 3 kids and a single parent? Not the easiest thing in the world. Sometimes it took working 3 jobs to be able to live.

And then so should I feel guilty about saying no to loaning 10 dollars when I only have right now 40 to last for 7 days? Driving almost 100 miles a day to work round trip? I probably shouldn't. But I do of course.